


L'amour pour la mort

by Cadoan



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Depressing, Depression, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Sad, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 02:17:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5399150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cadoan/pseuds/Cadoan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zelos is gone and Lloyd is trying to survive on his own, but how will he do that when all he can do is to visit his lover's grave?</p>
            </blockquote>





	L'amour pour la mort

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [L'amour pour la mort](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/162203) by Me. 



> This is another remix/rewriting of an old fanfic of mine. Original was posted on fanfiction.net about 8 years ago. I am actually really impressed by my younger self with this one: first POV _and_ sad stuff! (Formatting this was a bit awkward, but I tried my best!

Blood. Blood everywhere.

Blood on the swords that clattered to the floor. Blood on my hands. Blood, blood, blood.

Oh Martel, he was bleeding. Lying on the ground, _oh Martel_ , bleeding.

How can a person bleed so much? Martel, Zelos, why did you bleed so much?

 

_"My name is Zelos. Zelos Wilder."_

 

It was so silent. The forest was completely silent apart from the soothing rustle of leaves. It was late in the day but the sun was still shining brightly. The sunrays broke through the treetops, falling into the small glad. The white grave shone, a withered flower lying on top of it.

But it was silent.

 

_"I'm simply siding with the strongest. I never trusted you, 'cause you never trusted me. And why should you? I turned out to be a traitor anyway"_

 

Smirk.

He had smirked. But it wasn't the smirk I had seen so many times when he said something inappropriate, nor was it the suggestive smirk he gave when he thought of something naughty. Not the smirk that made me go weak at my knees, and not the smirk that set my body on fire.

I had never seen him smirk like that before. It had been mocking, it had been evil, it had been traitorous. This couldn't be for real. Not my Zelos. Not at us. Not at me. But maybe, deep down, had I known the truth all along. I could see your pain, the one you hid beneath the surface. You opened up to me, my angel. I know that you were in pain, but I couldn't see what was causing it. Still, you seemed happy, sometimes.

I thought I made you happy. At least a little bit. I thought we shared something, but maybe that was a lie as well? Zelos, were you and I a lie? Just like everything else? Did you lie about us?

\---

The silence was broken. Steps were heard, softs, slow steps, coming closer. A person came into the glad, stopping for a moment. Watching. Not ever the rustling of leaves was heard anymore. It was like time had stopped to watch as well, remembering the times that had already gone and passed. The grave was so white, so pure. Just like the person that rested there. The person that had stopped in the glade made a little sound and staggered to the right. He leaned against a tree to stay on his feet. It was so painful. Even this person could feel pain, more lately than ever. This world was fine now, but he would never be.

\---

Zelos, I was so young. Some people would still call me young, but I have grow. I grew so much during our journey. All I had ever known was life in Iselia, and you helped me see so much. The life of an aristocrat. How it felt to be hated, chased, famous, and respected. I knew so little, I see that now.

Nothing will ever be perfect. I'm not perfect, you weren't perfect. This world will never be perfect. In a perfect world, everone is happy. There is no sadness and there is no death. Without you, I can't be happy. And you're not here. I just wish that our time together had been a little more, a little longer. Forever. You and I could have been "we" forever.

 

_"Cause we're best friends, right?"_

 

He hadn't gone near the grave yet. He wasn't in a hurry, he had not time to catch. But at the same time, he knew that the longer he'd be there, the harder it would get. He would die a little more inside.

 

\---

When you came into my life, I was just a child. I know that is something I would've never admitted to, but then, I'm not the same person I used to be back then. You changed me, Zelos Wilder. I always thought of you as my angel, and then you go and turn out to be one for real. You came and saved my soul, purified me. With those touches, those kisses, I surrendered to you. I needed you, and you needed me. You needed me, the naïve, Sylvarant boy Lloyd Irwing, and I needed you, the broken Chosen of Tethe'Alla, Zelos Wilder.

\---

 

The sun had moved far across the sky, but the person in the glade didn't notice. He had managed to recompose himself and the sharpest pain had subsided. He got up, slowly, and walked towards the grave. He stood in front of it, drew his gloved hand through his brown hair and held his feelings back. The leather outfit creaked as he bent down and picked up the withered flower, replacing it with a fresh one. He pressed the flower to his chest, tears blurring his eyes.

"Oh, Zelos..."

Choked. Pained.

The white grave shone just as much when glittering tears fell upon it.

 

\---

Zelos, why aren't you here?

I didn't know you felt so… useless. That you were so tired of these worlds. Why? You took my first kiss, my first love, my virginity. But I don't blame you, I never could. It was my fault, my fault for falling. I have to believe you felt the same for me.

Zelos, did you?

I have to believe.

\---

 

The person sat next to the grave. It was the best and the worst thing he knew. His other felt so close, almost as if he was physically there.

Long, red strands fell like a curtain around his face, soft lips pressed against his, hands roamed his body. But ever so often, when he was out of faith and out of energy, he felt blood dripping off his hands and guilt ate him up from the inside. He didn't see his lover's face smiling, not relaxed with sleep, not shining from lust. No, that beautiful face was twisted in pain, cold and dead.

He looked at the grave. It was plain, placed in a calm, forgotten place. Nothing that anyone expected a Chosen's grave to be like. A simple stone block, about a meter high. Nothing special, just like he'd wanted it. A pair of wings were carved into the stone and below it, some text.

_Zelos Wilder_  
_Chosen of Tethe'Alla_  
_Beloved friend, hated enemy, respected fighter_

 

\---

_"Lloyd?"_  
_"Mmm..?"_  
_"Can I kiss you?"_  
_"Whuh?"_  
_Fingers under chin, tipping upwards, blue staring into brown._  
_"I said… can I kiss you?"_  
_A content little sound and a small nod. Then, lips tenderly covered his._

_\---_

 

"Zelos, I'm dying."

Another day, another flower. He was thinner. Paler.

"I'm dying without you. I can't keep doing this. I'm trying, I really am, but… I can't keep coming here."

Brown eyes caressed white stone, hand reached out. He stopped himself, pulled off his glove. He felt warmth slither around his hand. At least he thought so. He had to believe that.

 

\---

Do you remember what you used to tell me? That this was a dream you never wanted to wake up from. You told me that and then you snuggled your nose into my neck. Your hair cascaded around us so beautifully. You said that, nuzzled my neck, and I slid my hands down your naked sides, smiling. Hoping that the dream would slowly fade into reality.

\---

 

"Why did you do it?! Why?!"

He was still coming back. Every day, every week, every month. Sometimes he screamed, sometimes he cried, something he begged.

Scream for him to come back.

Cry for him not to go.

Beg for another day, another hour, another minute.

"Why didn't you ask me? Why didn't you tell me? Zelos, why?"

 

\---

_"Zelos?"_  
_"Yeah?"_  
_"Do… Do you like me?"_  
_"Of course I do!"_  
_"No, I mean... like like me."_  
_"Bud, I like like you."_

\---

 

Same glade. Same white grave stone, but no longer alone. Another grave stone next to it. It had the same color and was just as simple. But, instead of a pair of wings, it sported two crossed swords.

_Lloyd Irwing_  
_Saviour of the worlds_  
_We will always miss him_

 

\---

_Zelos slowly withdrew from the brunet's mouth, giving him a questioning look._   
_"You okay?"_   
_Lloyd nodded and let his hands settle on the other man's neck._   
_"Yeah… I was just a bit surprised._   
_The redhead smiled before leaning in again, this time meeting parted lips. They tongues met shyly. The kiss might have been innocent, but they both ran out of breath. The brunet smiled and rested his head against the readhead's. Then, they both laughed._


End file.
